And if Not, He is Still Good

I’m thankful for a God who is in control of everything we face in our life. I am so blessed to have grown closer to him over the last 5 years. I am blessed to have a healthy 5 year old boy that calls me mama and his best friend. He is my world. I never imagined just having one healthy child, I always imagined having more.

When my son was 1 ½ years old, our second boy was diagnosed during my 20 week ultrasound appointment with a rare brain disease called holoprosencephaly. Along with this disease he only had one kidney, his heart wasn’t performing well, his lungs were not working properly, and he had club feet. My prayer from the time we found out until the time he arrived was for God to heal him.

When my second child was born on August 8th, 2014, God healed his heart, lungs, kidneys, and he didn’t have club feet. However, his brain was not healed. He only lived four short hours, but those hours I held him in my arms will be forever in my heart.

When we left the hospital, we got a call asking if our son would be an organ donor for a family in need. Of course we said yes! Knowing that our son was able to give life to another is so overwhelming! Six months after we lost our second child, I had an 8 ½ week miscarriage and I had to have surgery that same day. My heart was broken in pieces! On March 20th, 2015, I went to a women’s conference and I was prayed over and God promised me a baby within a year.

I was on cloud nine that summer when we found out we were pregnant. I told my son that mommy was going to have a baby and he kept telling me that he was going to have a sissy. It was October 30, 2015 that we went in to find out what the sex of our third child was going to be. We found out that day that God was going to bless us with a beautiful girl. However, we also found out that day that she was diagnosed with the same rare brain disease, holoprosencephaly. Our hearts were completely broken. I was questioning why God would promise me a baby with this same brain disease that took the life of my second son. After finding out about this diagnosis, I wanted to hide away from the world. I didn’t want to do anything besides crawl in a hole.

The Sunday after we found out about our daughter’s diagnosis, we went to church and prayed together as a congregation. We prayed and believed that God would heal our daughter. Our prayers changed from that Sunday on. Instead of asking God for a healing miracle, we thanked him for one. I believe God is pleased with us when we act in Faith and believe Him to do the supernatural. Just like with our second child, I got everything ready for her arrival. I had baby showers, her clothes organized and hung up, bassinet beside the bed, car seat in the car, and her diaper bag packed full.

My due date was estimated to be March 12, 2016. My husband was called to go on a mission’s trip to AFRICA with 10 other men from our church. He was going to be gone from March 6th-March 19th. My humanly flesh didn’t want him to go but I knew God had called Him to go. I’ve learned that when God calls you to go somewhere or to do something, you be faithful to the call. I was dilated to a 4 the whole time he was gone and I never changed in dilation. God took care of me in the fact that he knew I would need my husband by my side during our delivery. He also took care of my husband and allowed him to be a light for Christ in Africa.

God is so amazing and His timing is always perfect. He is never late… He is always on time.

God promised me a baby within a year from March 20, 2015. My baby girl made her arrival on March 19th, 2016 at 6:01 pm.

When she was born she was not breathing. My husband and I began to weep and cry and the Lord slowly brought her back to life. Although she wasn’t doing well the whole night, we were able to cuddle with her all night. At 6:00 in the morning, while my husband was holding our baby girl, I looked up in the labor and delivery light and saw a reflection of Jesus holding a baby. After I grabbed my phone and took a picture, the image suddenly disappeared. God revealed Jesus to me through an image.

He knew exactly what I needed to speak peace into my situation. Throughout the day, our baby girl’s health began to decline and around 3:00 the next afternoon she went to be with Jesus.

I wish my story ended there, but it doesn’t. I have had to go through a 3 week miscarriage and I’ve had to go through a 10 week miscarriage. I long for a healthy baby. God sees the desires of my heart. I know He has a perfect plan and purpose for our life.

I pray for God to use our story to save people and encourage people who need to have hope that we serve a real God. A God who loves and cares about us more than we will ever know. What peace in knowing that one day, I will be able to see my sweet babies again!